Overwhelming Gratitude

It's not just for black belts

Photo by author

I did it.

From Monday at 3:30 pm until Saturday at 10:00 pm, I went through the Mastery black belt test. It was a patchwork quilt of curriculum, sleep and food deprivation, deep camaraderie, and exhausting physical endurance. At the end, I single handedly walked forward to receive my belt.

But I wasn’t alone. Woven into every thread were the gifts I received from others—so many others. There were unexpected training partners, prayers from family and friends, unwavering encouragement from my fiancé, and the decades-old support from my brother. I couldn’t have done it without any of them.

Obviously, preparing for a test like this takes a great deal of time and energy. But that can take a toll on relationships when my life revolves around training time—not social activities. I’m a pretty even-keeled person but I can get grouchy when I’m sore or tired or would much rather have a glass of wine and a fancy dessert.

It takes a lot of people to build one black belt.

Two years ago I wasn’t even certain I would test. My one “good” knee was finally giving me problems. I pulled out of a tournament because it collapsed twice during warmups. I had closed my school in Texas and had to train on a 6’x4’ mat in my kitchen or in my backyard. I had no training partners in Florida, so I was stuck with Zoom calls to practice my difficult curriculum. Success was by no means certain.

Yet everywhere I turned, I found help. A good friend and wonderful instructor from California flew to Tennessee where I and my long-time training partner worked together for three days on the demanding Brazilian jiu-jitsu techniques. I met a woman at the gym who just happened to have a son who is head instructor at a mixed martial arts studio 45 minutes away—and he was kind enough to spend 90 minutes on the mat with me so I could practice with a human body, not just in the air. When I tried to pay him for his time, he refused, telling me it was an honor to assist me in my martial arts journey.

When it came time to perform on Zoom for my great grandmaster at the pre-test tournament, I was at a complete loss. We had to do our boxing, our escrido (Filipino stick disarms), and our karambit techniques—all of which require a partner, which I don’t have.

My fiancé (who has only recently begun training and is an orange belt) stepped up. “Teach me whatever you need so I can help,” he urged me. And so I taught him the strikes he would need to feed me in order to showcase my defenses. It was his first time to meet the legendary great grandmaster Ernie Reyes and, in spite of his understandable jitters, gave me the chance to perform.

When I arrived in California for the test, I still felt uneasy about the BJJ part of the curriculum. In stepped a good friend and training partner who met me at a studio not once, not twice, but three times before I had to perform in front of the judges on Monday. She was testing for her 7^th degree black belt that week but took the time to concentrate on me, demonstrating the generosity and kindness that truly exemplifies the black belt mindset.

Surrounding me the entire week were lovely communications from well-wishers. I found out one of my writing group friends even came to the test without telling me! I received texts, WhatsApp messages, phone calls, emails, and more from people literally all over the world. It’s been remarkable.

So because words matter, I’ve distilled my black belt journey into just one: Gratitude.

My accomplishment is due to years of training—hard work, sacrifice, commitment, and grit. But it is all impossible and meaningless without the myriad gifts, large and small, from so many people.

And it has me wondering where else in my life am I bolstered by others? Where else is gratitude the only reasonable response? John Donne famously penned the notion that “No man is an island,” but do we truly recognize that as a profound truth that relates to every aspect of life?

Where in our lives is thanks due? Who needs to hear today that we recognize their contribution to our success? Whom have we overlooked?

In our professional and personal lives, nothing good happens in a vacuum. We don’t succeed alone. Someone picks up the slack when we’re focusing on our dream. Someone makes a meal, grabs the dry cleaning, orders take out, walks the dogs, sends a card, loans a sleeping bag. Someone shows up without even letting you know she’s there, just to lend silent support.

Celebrate the wins, of course. But never forget that regardless of the achievement, gratitude is the ultimate response.

SIDE NOTE: Thanks for sticking with me over these many weeks. It was hard to miss posting last week—I’m not one for breaking a streak, especially since we’re rapidly approaching the one year anniversary of Because Words Matter. If you happen to be in the central Florida area tomorrow, come by the Novel Tea Bookshop in Ormond Beach between 3 and 7 pm. I’m doing a Bread Pudding in Barcelona book signing event at the monthly Art Walk, and I’d love to say Thank you in person!