Principles are important to me. My undergraduate degree is in Management and Ethics (yes, you can put both of those things together). I strive to be a woman of integrity, adhering to my deeply held values in everything I do.
The thing is, I don’t have a lot.
I believe in treating people with kindness and compassion, in caring for the environment, in smiling at the elderly, trying not to cuss when I’m driving, and never cheating. Because I’m a practicing Christian, many people assume I’m a conservative. Because I’m a California Latina, others assume I’m a liberal.
Because I’m a woman…because I’m a senior citizen…because I’m a black belt…because I’m an MBA…because I drive a Mercedes…because I have a tattoo…because I’ve been divorced (twice)…because I was an unwed mother…because I live in Florida…because I have (a lot of) piercings…because one of my kids is biracial….
You get it. It’s easy to make assumptions. It’s even easier to live them. We don’t have to think too terribly hard when we’re living a character’s life.
But when we choose to live inside the lines of any single character, we become just that: a caricature. We become predictable, to others and to ourselves. It’s so much easier to color inside whatever lines we select because we don’t have to think—just follow the rules.
I don’t want to be a cartoon.
Cartoons are predictable. They move in a certain way because they’re constrained by their outlines. In Dragonball Z, Bulma is always—always!—going to shout and be annoyingly demanding because that’s just who she is. Jessica Rabbit can’t help being sultry—“Don’t blame me; I was drawn this way.” Bugs Bunny will forever be sarcastic—look at that face. How could he be otherwise?
Cartoons are fun to watch but they become boring after a while. We’re never surprised when Wile E Coyote falls off the cliff. The thing is, in real life I don’t enjoy spending a lot of time around people who can’t surprise me. One of my dearest friends is a deeply devout Christian. She leads the children’s ministry at a conservative Bible study organization, attends church regularly, and is married to a Christian counselor.
She’s also a powerful executive, childless by choice (with no cats), a ferociously competitive tennis player…and she cusses like a truck driver and complained that there weren’t enough sex scenes in my first romance novel.
Surprise!
When we color outside the lines, we allow for a little messiness, but we also display beauty. Instead of believing/saying/doing things by rote, we think and imagine and create. And while some truths should be non-negotiable, we can always reevaluate them and come to a deeper, more meaningful appreciation and understanding of what we believe. Evolving our positions over time is just a gorgeous way of being human.
And in that evolution, we can always—always!—use words that build and nurture bridges between us.
I will take my wildly diverse traits and refuse to be labeled by any of them. I’ll examine my few yet deeply held values and recognize that yours may be different—and that you might surprise me.
And no matter what, I hope to always—always!—be kind.
SIDE NOTE: Stay tuned for my new Substack section where I’ll serialize my book Don’t Fight Mad: A Black Belt’s Quest to Recapture Joy for paid subscribers. Coming this Thursday!
Because ... you are terrific writer, a steady friend, an amazing mother ... You are right. No cartooning your character.
You are beautiful, magic, messy and you are you Cindy! Love your writing & love you! Wonderful words as always xx